Things that cause you to wake up at 2 AM

"I did the planting, Apollos did the watering, but God made things grow.

Neither the planter nor the waterer matters; only God, who makes things grow."

(1 Corinthians 3:6-7)

Memorial Day Weekend 2007 was good to Troy and me. We had 3 days to share without one thing on our agenda. Long walks, slow meals and good movies filled our days and nights. We attended church together on Sunday at Fellowship Uptown. (Troy called it market research for my new job!) Their Memorial Day tribute was breathtaking and impressed on my heart my need to connect with those serving overseas to let them know that they are still human beings, even though they are living and working in situations where it could be all too easy to grow a cold heart. I will be praying over what God spoke to my heart in this worship service.

After a restful weekend, I was surprised when I woke up at 2 am early this morning with a mix of sadness and panic. I realized that it is Monday (granted, just barely Monday), and in seven days, I will be at Annual Conference and my time at St. Andrew is done. Feeling this goodbye made me sad. I also realized that at Annual Conference, I will say hello to First Church. Feeling this hello made me panic. At 2 am this morning, 2 things comforted me: 1. Michael Watkins, in his book, "The First 90 Days," writes that every leader has a panic moment and that this panic moment IS a fruitful experience if the leader allows it to be; and 2. God IS faithful and it IS God who makes things grow.

There is such a need to share the good news of abundant life in God and I thank God for giving me a little "panic" feeling to awaken my heart to the need for this ministry change at this time in my life. And, I'm glad that all God is asking me to do is plant the seeds and to trust. At Fellowship on Sunday, the band sang a song titled, "Hosanna," with the line, "I see a generation rising to take its place." I believe a generation is taking its place--my generation--but we can only take our place in the kingdom when we come to know that we are HEIRS of God's abundant life and we LIVE in this freedom. It's my job to believe this for myself and plant those seeds of belief for others.

As I write these statements of hope and even as I understand the importance of where I'm going, I also sense how hard it is to say goodbye to the love that has brought me to this place. It is hard to say goodbye to so many people who have developed me in ministry. So, I'm trusting what God said to Isaiah: "You will leave with joy and be led away in safety." (Isaiah 55:12)