Say One Kind Thing

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.--Ephesians 4:29, from The Message translation

At this very moment, I'm making a choice. Now, it's a moment after that moment, and I'm making another choice. Now that I am starting my day, Aug. 29, 2007, at 5:55 am, I will be making choices all day long. I will choose what I allow into my mind; I will choose what emotions I dwell on in my heart, and I will choose what actions I will show the world. And throughout the day, I will be choosing what I will say to people.

Speech is taken for-granted in our society today. I see a great deal of talking but I'm not sure if communication is happening. It's very easy to ask someone, "How are you?" It's much harder to commit to really wanting to know the answer before you ask the question. It's easy to ask someone for help on your projects. It's much harder to ask them if they need your help on their projects.

If I could start a national campaign like the Random Acts of Kindness that hit a few years ago, I would call it the "Say One Kind Thing" campaign. Say One Kind Thing...when I am stuck in tunnel vision in my own life, I can often step outside of myself by practicing saying one kind thing to someone else. Saying one kind thing means I have to see that someone else in this world is offering something valuable and worthy to humankind. And I want to help build them up.

I've also found that when a behavioral pattern sets in, changing the behavior can begin with changing the way I talk. When I have found myself being snippy with my spouse, I can shift out of that by simply focusing on saying only the things that help. And if I can push past my own ego, I can usually separate that which helps and that which doesn't help.

Today, I'm making a choice to make my words a gift to those around me. Let's see how this can help. Join me. Say One Kind Thing today.

Beginnings

Incipe; dimidium facti est coepisse. Supersit Dimidium: rursum hoc incipe, et efficies.

Begin; to begin is half the work. Let half still remain; again begin this, and thou wilt have finished.

UrbanLife had a great beginning last night as the Leadership Team met for its 3rd time. This team is composed of 13 people who blindly agreed to help me figure out if and how a downtown traditional Methodist church can be engaged in ministry with uptown/downtown young urban professionals with disposable incomes and play-filled lifestyles.

For the most part, the Leadership Team didn't know one another before August. We are still learning about each other and finding out who does what and how they do it. So last night, with the church completely empty, we met in the gym to assemble "Save the Date" Reminders for the Blessing of the Animals (Oct. 7, 5:30 pm in Reverchon Park, off the Katy Trail.)

I gave them all the supplies and a couple of samples and then let them figure it out. Not only did the project get done, but we learned a lot about each other and how we do things and how we are going to work together.

Beginnings are such a creative time...so much learning about yourself and others. As my friend Linda Bush says, "Beginnings are all about time-zeros."

I'm enjoying the beginnings in my life. It reminds me that we serve a God who created this world and continues to create this day. Beginnings are always followed by endings which sometimes launch new beginnings. Learning to observe and release judgement of beginnings and endings, for me, is freedom.

With a Little Help From My Friends

I woke this morning with such deep gratitude for the people in my life. It's not easy hanging with me and all of my idiosyncrasies. This past weekend, as I received significant news within our family, the presence of my friends was like a cool front in the middle of August--grace in the midst of the reality of life. And it's the small way of being a friend that make life doable--like making the sacrifice to eat cheese fries at 9 pm with your friend just because comfort food was in order even though it is nowhere in your own nutritional plan.

I have lots of friends who were friends during a certain time of life. I admit that I am not the best at keeping up with friends (which is one of my idiosyncrasies) and I am thankful that those kinds of people who know this about me and yet still find some value in being around me exist. Because I'm not sure if I could exist without them.

I have always loved how Jesus told his peeps that they were friends...."I no longer call you strangers but friends." Jesus called his disciples to follow him. Before he called them, did they know each other or even have knowledge of each other? Here is this group of people who may not have known each other before they left everything to follow. And when it came to the end of their time together, they ate dinner together just like every other day. Jesus was sitting with them, and they were reminiscing about their work together, how they had walked 100s of miles healing people and casting out demons, scraping together food on a limited budget and then he interrupts the conversation and says, "Hey guys, we're friends."

Jesus could not have been Jesus without the people who were around him.

And my thought is that this is true still today. That Jesus can not be Jesus without the people who are around him. And even though it's a different time, I still like to think of Jesus looking at me and saying, "Hey, we're friends."

Conversing with that Lucky Girl

Throughout today, I've been thinking about my previous post, "Lucky Girl," and felt like it was somehow unfinished. I have read it about 10 times throughout today and kept wondering why it felt like something was missing or left undone in the post. And just a few minutes ago, I had that kind of aha-God moment that makes life worth living.
Here's what's missing...yes, it did take about 15 years of therapy for me to decide that there is a difference between my stuff and other's stuff and that my stuff is not inherently bad. And don't get me wrong...therapy was definitely needed. But through the process of all that talking and in the midst of my daily life choices, God also performed a miracle. I came to know who I was not by determining my own self or my own value...I came to know who I was in the light of who I am in God. I'm one of God's children, like you are, and for that matter, like those who sometimes act like baboons. That's where my worth comes from and from this place I can stand strong and be the person God wants me to be. From this place, I can feel in my core what life abundant is really about--

--and yet we live in a world where too many people have no idea what this means and instead live a life of constriction. And this is why I do what I do.

Lucky Girl

A friend recently shared what has become a tricky issue in her family. As her kids are getting older, they can tell the difference between people's behavior that is appropriate and behavior that is not appropriate. Recently, this discernment was applied to members of their extended family.

Upon returning from the home of this relative the daughter announced to her mom that she never wanted to go there again because they are mean and rude and hurtful. After asking her daughter several questions to ensure nothing inappropriate happened, she and her husband realized that their children were beginning to see the lack of emotional intelligence exercised by these family members, a problem that has been an issue in the family for many, many years.

As my friend talked about this situation, I suggested that it was a great sign that her daughter, still pre-teen, could tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy emotional reactions (like when the emotion doesn't match the trigger event). Furthermore, the daughter realized what was her stuff (her not being respectful) and what wasn't her stuff (the person's extreme reaction). Somehow I did not gain that skill when I was young and spent the formative years in my life thinking that unhealthy emotional behavior displayed around me was somehow about me so I internalized it all...

...And I spent the next 15 years in therapy. Many dollars later, now I can tell the difference between what's mine and what's yours (most times...). And you can even fly off the handle and act like a baboon's ass to me and for the most part I can hear what's necessary to hear behind the emotion, have compassion for you displaying your baboon-side to the world, and then walk away all the while chanting to myself, "I'm good enough...I'm smart enough...and gosh darn it, people like me."

Lucky Girl.

Casting Call

Tonight, I was an actress in the game of life, starring in my favorite genre of movies which is the indy-film that brings together stranger's lives tying them together by one thread that moves among them all. Crash is a more recent example of this genre while Magnolia is an older example.

Here's my story: I went to a hospital tonight to pray with a family who just had a baby. Because I'm at a new church and don't really know people yet, I was glad to make this visit as this is one of the few families I know (I worked on a project with the husband my second week at church.) I had a great visit with the mom, who was alone. After the visit, as I walked to the elevators on her floor, there was a 2-year-old screaming in the middle of the hallway next to the waiting room. I peeked in to see another set of parents with the hospital-plastic-cradle so I congratulated them on the new baby. The dad said thanks and as I walked off, he asked if I had change for a dollar. Their 2-year-old was in the middle of the hallway having a tantrum and they wanted to give-in to his request for a treat from the machine but his only dollar bill would not work. So I dug through my purse and found 4 quarters and gave it to him and told him to keep his dollar.

As I got on the elevator, I realized that was not a smart decision as I now had no cash to leave the parking garage. The elevator stopped at the next floor and this really stylish young woman got on the elevator. Normally, I do not talk to people on the elevators, but as I was digging through my purse hoping to find a stray dollar, I mentioned that I had no money for the parking garage but hopefully the parking attendant would accept my business card and let me out with no payment because I'm a minister.

"You're a minister?" she replied as the elevator doors opened to the 1st floor. We both exited the elevator and walked in the same direction.

"Yes, at least that's what they call me but don't worry, I'm not the 'usual' minister," I answered in my usual disarming way so that people don't think I'm one of "those" ministers.

"It's strange that here you are, a minister," she said quietly as we walked the hallway.

"Are you okay?" I replied back to her.

"I'm having a lot of spiritual confusion right now and my baby is in the hospital," she explained. "I was just in my baby's room praying that God would give me some direction."

"Well, it sounds like God is on your side because I normally don't talk to people in elevators but I did for you, so do you want to talk?"

We chatted for a bit and she told me how she was really confused by some spiritual experiences she had been having, including visions, and how she wasn't sure if it was from God and that it was all very confusing ot her. We talked about the usual things: stress from having a sick child, sleep deprivation from being in the hospital, and, that ultimately, God is a God of goodness and peace and that she can pray to God to help give her peace until she can better understand what is happening to her. I told her about a friend of mine who is a Christian and experiences visions and we exchanged phone numbers.

We both knew that tonight wasn't random; that everything happened at just the right moment to get both of us on that elevator, having the conversation we were having. I told her that tonight's sequence of events is a reminder that God is with her, even in the confusion. And when it was time for me to go, she asked if she could have a hug. So we hugged.

As I turned to walk away, she quietly said, "Before I got on that elevator, I had no hope. Now I feel hopeful. Thank you."

Wow. Thank you God for letting me be an actress tonight in your divine play.

Bookends

In my last post, I admired a colleague of mine for her ability to set an intention. It was not easy for her to come to the decision she made to fulfill her intention, but she came to the decision and bravely faced the trade-offs. And that's what this life is really about anyway--trade-offs.

The bookend for the end of this week is that tonight, I celebrate a friend of mine who also set an intention. When I met her 8 years ago, she had no idea how the "hows" would happen or even be possible, but that didn't make her give up her dream of helping women. Tonight, I celebrate my friend who reaps the first fruits of her labor as she is conferred the degree Doctorate of Philosophy. I celebrate that my friend will now be positioned to help women sort through their lives and create wholeness from the context of our fractured world.

It really is the small things that both of these women did each day that allowed them to be who they are today. When I am doing small things, it's sometimes hard to remember why the small things really matter. My marathon training is teaching me this skill. This is my 3rd marathon and I think I'm just getting it this time around--It's the small runs that happen day-in an day-out and it's the small choices I make to eat healthy and go to bed early that will allow me to cross the finish line in 17 weeks with a smile on my face and joy inside my body and filling my soul. It's not about some super-training schedule that makes me look good in front of those unique human beings called runners...it's about me and my running shoes--and my intention.

Every person has an intention, even the ones who look like they have no intention cell in their body. I think people aren't aware that their intentions are defined and shaped by the constricting confines of a consumerist world. And if we only knew the truth, then we would be free.

Tomorrow is a good day--the Leadership Team for UrbanLife meets for the first time as a group. They are 11 very trusting people who have agreed to help build this ministry with me. My intention was 12 on the Leadership Team, so I'm waiting for God to do what God does best--have some holy humor at my expense--reminding me that I'm human and that all I have to do in this world is to Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understandings.

I think I can.

Intention

I like the statement, "I am my intention wrapped here in this flesh and blood" from the title song from Al Gore's documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" (sung by Melissa Etheridge). The practice of setting intentions, meditating on intentions and visualizing intentions has increasingly become more of who I am and how I live my life. It seems to be working for me. There is a spiritual moment for me in the middle of the "Warrior 2" yoga pose where it feels like my body, mind and spirit are aligned and moving in one seamless direction. It is a fleeting moment that happens at the point where my brain lets go and my body just is.

Orthodox Christianity is still wrestling with what intention means and how to speak about a practice that seems to be eastern in nature. The cover article in my latest preaching magazine is devoted to maligning those who believe in one aspect of setting intention--called the Law of Attraction--which has been brought into pop culture by the movie, "The Secret." Sure, we aren't supposed to believe that God exists to serve my needs, just as Paul instructed the church in Ephesus, "If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh; but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit."

Compare this, though, to what Paul wrote to the church in Colossia, "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you."

The Greek word for "think" is from the verb, "logizimai" which means to consider, take into account, weigh, meditate on, or to determine, purpose or decide. The Greek Lexicon also says this word deals with reality, "If I 'logizomai or reckon that my bank account has $25 in it, it has $25 dollars in it. Otherwise I'm deceiving myself. This word refers to facts not suppositions."

It seems that there is a connection between thinking on these things (setting intention) and manifesting these things in life. It seems like what we think about could become who we are...back to that phrase, what goes in also comes out. What if our thinking does shape who we become. Probably doesn't happen overnight. Maybe not even this year. But slowly over time. What we are thinking--or perhaps most notably what we aren't thinking--will eventually become the reality of our lives.

I say all this to say that my colleague clergywoman friend announced today that she is taking a family-leave of absence to raise her children. And I'm so excited for her. I think this will be a great opportunity and she is blessed to be able to make this choice. For many families, there is not the financial option to have a one-career family, and for other women, they are the only parent in the family. I applaud her because she has considered the magnitude of parenthood and discerned what is best for her family and she is setting her intention to understand parenthood as discipleship.

It seems to me that the process of setting intention, especially when it comes to the decision of whether or not to have kids, is something missing in American society today. What would it be like for parents to consider what it means to receive a soul from heaven to be embodied here on earth and to set their intention for how they will parent before they become parents? Maybe this happens more than I think. If so, then why do we go to the minister for pre-marital counseling and the medical doctor for pre-natal counseling?

And what does parenting look like if the goal is to hear God say at the end of your life, "Well done, good and faithful parent." What if steward was from the Greek word for parent? (It's not, but if it was, wow, it would change a lot of how we think about Christian duty).

Enough for today. Best wishes to my colleague and friend. And to all mothers out there who wrestle with this very personal life decision, may you set your intention and find that "Warrior 2" place of harmony as you live out your intention, whatever that might be.

BrainPower

My paternal grandparents, Ralph and Rachel Self (pictured above), died from Alzheimer's so the subject is close to my family's heart, especially my oldest brother. He recently reported to me about a program on NPR about Alzheimer's. On the program, the researchers discussed cases of elderly people who had autopsies after death. When the autopsy results revealed the person had Alzheimer's, the families were shocked because the person didn't die like an Alzheimer's patient. They had kept their memory, faculties, and physical activity level up until death, and, died from a disease other than Alzheimer's. The researchers wanted to know the common link among these people. Through family interviews, they found that these people had in common a low-fat, low-sugar diet (another reason why we should be eating healthy) AND as they aged, they kept their brain active and stimulated through memory games and brain games.

I was thinking about this report today while sitting in a noontime Bible study, part of a series on Loving God with Your Mind. Today the teacher discussed the value of becoming still, practicing silence and trying out solitude. She also suggested that there is great value in memorizing Scripture.

In my glory days of being Baptist, Scripture memory was one of our youth group habits. Scriptures were given on Sunday and it was expected that you would recite them from memory the following Sunday. I didn't realize what this habit was doing to me until I went to seminary and knew more Scripture from memory than most of my classmates. And since seminary, I have called upon those Scriptures and have been thankful for those Baptist days.

But I haven't made Scripture memory a primary part of my personal spiritual life or my public teaching life since seminary even though I know the value of the Scriptures I memorized more than 17 years ago. I thought about why I haven't incorporated this into who I am and the only reason I can come up with is that I've been spiritually lazy. That's not a good reason. So I'm adding it back into my life. It's just too important and it really is a waste of the mind that God gave me not to commit God's words to memory. If there was such a thing as spiritual Alzheimer's, then I probably would have it as I have not been exercising my mind.

The teacher today mentioned that she has been memorizing the book of Philippians. The entire book! Her goal is to recite the book from memory! That's a spiritual discipline, a habit, that will give her more than just a badge of honor; it will give her God's word imprinted on her mind and heart.

I mentioned in my last blog post that if John Wesley were alive today he would be a life coach. Why? Life coaches help you develop practices so that you are able to achieve more than you thought possible. Wesley helped the people who believed in him develop spiritual practices so that they could grow closer to God. As the teacher said today, you didn't play piano scales so that at your recital all you can play are scales. You play the scales so that when the performance comes, you can play Bach. Scripture memory is like that. When life comes, I don't have memorized Scripture, I have God's word on my tongue. Now that will draw me closer to God.

Since I began this post talking about my grandparents, I will end this post with a memory I recalled today about my grandmother. My grandmother relied on the Bible. I'm not sure all the details, but I think her faith and the Bible helped calm her nerves and keep her on the right mental path. She always spoke to me about Scriptures and she often quoted from memory. I recently looked through a Bible study book she gave me many years ago on Ruth and Esther. Inside was a piece of paper with her handwriting: "I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God gave me Life that I might enjoy all things." Thanks Grandma. I love you and miss you.