9 years and counting

I knew a couple of days had passed since my last blog entry; didn't realize it had been 21 days. After two of my faithful readers expressed their personal concern for me and my absence from my beloved blog, I decided it was time to pick up the pen, or type on the keyboard, to let you know that I am alive and well.
It's been a busy month as we move towards launching UrbanLife. Our goal is to build community and deepen spirituality among young urban professionals and we have several different ways to meet this goal. One way is through our fall classes that will begin in October. We are kicking-off our classes with a community-wide Blessing of the Animals event on Sun., Oct. 7, in Reverchon Park.
With the big event less than three weeks away, it feels a little like when you've planned a party and now are waiting to see if people come. And with things like ministry, it's not just about your strategy or how well it is executed; it's also about God. It's about trusting God, and, being able to ask at every moment of the process--what is God teaching me, my leadership team, and this church about what it means to make disciples of Jesus Christ?
This month I have experienced a deeper relationship with God as I have realized my need to draw close and rely on God's strength versus my own finite self. It has been humbling, and yet in that humbleness, I have felt God's guiding presence. I'm really thankful. And I'm so excited to see what's going to happen in October with UrbanLife as we open the doors and welcome people to the ministry.
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On a separate note, I want to give a quick shot-out to my girls in our "A Little Deeper Book Club." We started our 9th year today, reviewing Jodi Picoult's book, "Nineteen Minutes." It was so good to see everyone after our annual summer break. The idea for this book club came during my second year in seminary, Fall 1997, when Stanley Hauerwas told us as part of Christian Ethics, "It's not what you read in seminary that matters, it's THAT you read when you get out of seminary." There's no better way to keep reading than to join a book club and discuss good books with other people.

Say One Kind Thing

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.--Ephesians 4:29, from The Message translation

At this very moment, I'm making a choice. Now, it's a moment after that moment, and I'm making another choice. Now that I am starting my day, Aug. 29, 2007, at 5:55 am, I will be making choices all day long. I will choose what I allow into my mind; I will choose what emotions I dwell on in my heart, and I will choose what actions I will show the world. And throughout the day, I will be choosing what I will say to people.

Speech is taken for-granted in our society today. I see a great deal of talking but I'm not sure if communication is happening. It's very easy to ask someone, "How are you?" It's much harder to commit to really wanting to know the answer before you ask the question. It's easy to ask someone for help on your projects. It's much harder to ask them if they need your help on their projects.

If I could start a national campaign like the Random Acts of Kindness that hit a few years ago, I would call it the "Say One Kind Thing" campaign. Say One Kind Thing...when I am stuck in tunnel vision in my own life, I can often step outside of myself by practicing saying one kind thing to someone else. Saying one kind thing means I have to see that someone else in this world is offering something valuable and worthy to humankind. And I want to help build them up.

I've also found that when a behavioral pattern sets in, changing the behavior can begin with changing the way I talk. When I have found myself being snippy with my spouse, I can shift out of that by simply focusing on saying only the things that help. And if I can push past my own ego, I can usually separate that which helps and that which doesn't help.

Today, I'm making a choice to make my words a gift to those around me. Let's see how this can help. Join me. Say One Kind Thing today.

Beginnings

Incipe; dimidium facti est coepisse. Supersit Dimidium: rursum hoc incipe, et efficies.

Begin; to begin is half the work. Let half still remain; again begin this, and thou wilt have finished.

UrbanLife had a great beginning last night as the Leadership Team met for its 3rd time. This team is composed of 13 people who blindly agreed to help me figure out if and how a downtown traditional Methodist church can be engaged in ministry with uptown/downtown young urban professionals with disposable incomes and play-filled lifestyles.

For the most part, the Leadership Team didn't know one another before August. We are still learning about each other and finding out who does what and how they do it. So last night, with the church completely empty, we met in the gym to assemble "Save the Date" Reminders for the Blessing of the Animals (Oct. 7, 5:30 pm in Reverchon Park, off the Katy Trail.)

I gave them all the supplies and a couple of samples and then let them figure it out. Not only did the project get done, but we learned a lot about each other and how we do things and how we are going to work together.

Beginnings are such a creative time...so much learning about yourself and others. As my friend Linda Bush says, "Beginnings are all about time-zeros."

I'm enjoying the beginnings in my life. It reminds me that we serve a God who created this world and continues to create this day. Beginnings are always followed by endings which sometimes launch new beginnings. Learning to observe and release judgement of beginnings and endings, for me, is freedom.

With a Little Help From My Friends

I woke this morning with such deep gratitude for the people in my life. It's not easy hanging with me and all of my idiosyncrasies. This past weekend, as I received significant news within our family, the presence of my friends was like a cool front in the middle of August--grace in the midst of the reality of life. And it's the small way of being a friend that make life doable--like making the sacrifice to eat cheese fries at 9 pm with your friend just because comfort food was in order even though it is nowhere in your own nutritional plan.

I have lots of friends who were friends during a certain time of life. I admit that I am not the best at keeping up with friends (which is one of my idiosyncrasies) and I am thankful that those kinds of people who know this about me and yet still find some value in being around me exist. Because I'm not sure if I could exist without them.

I have always loved how Jesus told his peeps that they were friends...."I no longer call you strangers but friends." Jesus called his disciples to follow him. Before he called them, did they know each other or even have knowledge of each other? Here is this group of people who may not have known each other before they left everything to follow. And when it came to the end of their time together, they ate dinner together just like every other day. Jesus was sitting with them, and they were reminiscing about their work together, how they had walked 100s of miles healing people and casting out demons, scraping together food on a limited budget and then he interrupts the conversation and says, "Hey guys, we're friends."

Jesus could not have been Jesus without the people who were around him.

And my thought is that this is true still today. That Jesus can not be Jesus without the people who are around him. And even though it's a different time, I still like to think of Jesus looking at me and saying, "Hey, we're friends."

Conversing with that Lucky Girl

Throughout today, I've been thinking about my previous post, "Lucky Girl," and felt like it was somehow unfinished. I have read it about 10 times throughout today and kept wondering why it felt like something was missing or left undone in the post. And just a few minutes ago, I had that kind of aha-God moment that makes life worth living.
Here's what's missing...yes, it did take about 15 years of therapy for me to decide that there is a difference between my stuff and other's stuff and that my stuff is not inherently bad. And don't get me wrong...therapy was definitely needed. But through the process of all that talking and in the midst of my daily life choices, God also performed a miracle. I came to know who I was not by determining my own self or my own value...I came to know who I was in the light of who I am in God. I'm one of God's children, like you are, and for that matter, like those who sometimes act like baboons. That's where my worth comes from and from this place I can stand strong and be the person God wants me to be. From this place, I can feel in my core what life abundant is really about--

--and yet we live in a world where too many people have no idea what this means and instead live a life of constriction. And this is why I do what I do.

Lucky Girl

A friend recently shared what has become a tricky issue in her family. As her kids are getting older, they can tell the difference between people's behavior that is appropriate and behavior that is not appropriate. Recently, this discernment was applied to members of their extended family.

Upon returning from the home of this relative the daughter announced to her mom that she never wanted to go there again because they are mean and rude and hurtful. After asking her daughter several questions to ensure nothing inappropriate happened, she and her husband realized that their children were beginning to see the lack of emotional intelligence exercised by these family members, a problem that has been an issue in the family for many, many years.

As my friend talked about this situation, I suggested that it was a great sign that her daughter, still pre-teen, could tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy emotional reactions (like when the emotion doesn't match the trigger event). Furthermore, the daughter realized what was her stuff (her not being respectful) and what wasn't her stuff (the person's extreme reaction). Somehow I did not gain that skill when I was young and spent the formative years in my life thinking that unhealthy emotional behavior displayed around me was somehow about me so I internalized it all...

...And I spent the next 15 years in therapy. Many dollars later, now I can tell the difference between what's mine and what's yours (most times...). And you can even fly off the handle and act like a baboon's ass to me and for the most part I can hear what's necessary to hear behind the emotion, have compassion for you displaying your baboon-side to the world, and then walk away all the while chanting to myself, "I'm good enough...I'm smart enough...and gosh darn it, people like me."

Lucky Girl.

Casting Call

Tonight, I was an actress in the game of life, starring in my favorite genre of movies which is the indy-film that brings together stranger's lives tying them together by one thread that moves among them all. Crash is a more recent example of this genre while Magnolia is an older example.

Here's my story: I went to a hospital tonight to pray with a family who just had a baby. Because I'm at a new church and don't really know people yet, I was glad to make this visit as this is one of the few families I know (I worked on a project with the husband my second week at church.) I had a great visit with the mom, who was alone. After the visit, as I walked to the elevators on her floor, there was a 2-year-old screaming in the middle of the hallway next to the waiting room. I peeked in to see another set of parents with the hospital-plastic-cradle so I congratulated them on the new baby. The dad said thanks and as I walked off, he asked if I had change for a dollar. Their 2-year-old was in the middle of the hallway having a tantrum and they wanted to give-in to his request for a treat from the machine but his only dollar bill would not work. So I dug through my purse and found 4 quarters and gave it to him and told him to keep his dollar.

As I got on the elevator, I realized that was not a smart decision as I now had no cash to leave the parking garage. The elevator stopped at the next floor and this really stylish young woman got on the elevator. Normally, I do not talk to people on the elevators, but as I was digging through my purse hoping to find a stray dollar, I mentioned that I had no money for the parking garage but hopefully the parking attendant would accept my business card and let me out with no payment because I'm a minister.

"You're a minister?" she replied as the elevator doors opened to the 1st floor. We both exited the elevator and walked in the same direction.

"Yes, at least that's what they call me but don't worry, I'm not the 'usual' minister," I answered in my usual disarming way so that people don't think I'm one of "those" ministers.

"It's strange that here you are, a minister," she said quietly as we walked the hallway.

"Are you okay?" I replied back to her.

"I'm having a lot of spiritual confusion right now and my baby is in the hospital," she explained. "I was just in my baby's room praying that God would give me some direction."

"Well, it sounds like God is on your side because I normally don't talk to people in elevators but I did for you, so do you want to talk?"

We chatted for a bit and she told me how she was really confused by some spiritual experiences she had been having, including visions, and how she wasn't sure if it was from God and that it was all very confusing ot her. We talked about the usual things: stress from having a sick child, sleep deprivation from being in the hospital, and, that ultimately, God is a God of goodness and peace and that she can pray to God to help give her peace until she can better understand what is happening to her. I told her about a friend of mine who is a Christian and experiences visions and we exchanged phone numbers.

We both knew that tonight wasn't random; that everything happened at just the right moment to get both of us on that elevator, having the conversation we were having. I told her that tonight's sequence of events is a reminder that God is with her, even in the confusion. And when it was time for me to go, she asked if she could have a hug. So we hugged.

As I turned to walk away, she quietly said, "Before I got on that elevator, I had no hope. Now I feel hopeful. Thank you."

Wow. Thank you God for letting me be an actress tonight in your divine play.